Tears on my cheeks


Fortunately, I made it back to the car just as the hot tears started rolling down my cheeks.   The doctor had confirmed the diagnosis.  Yes, I did have full blown fibromyalgia with all its fatigue and aches.   No cure.  Long-term.  I was crushed. 

In the past months I was sleeping 13-16 hours a day.  I could barely do simple things like laundry.  I could not even drive for long before becoming exhausted.  What kind of a future did I have now?  Sobbing, I pounded the steering wheel, angry with God,  “Why don’t You make me better, this is no way to live!” 

Embarrassed to be so emotional in the crowded parking, I drove to the nearby lake to be alone.   Watching the waves, I talked to God.  “Jesus I don’t want this.   I have fasted and prayed.  I have I missed something?  Why is this happening?”

Quietly, inside my thoughts, I heard God saying,

“Take time to love yourself.  Carry on, fear not, I am with you.  Bear the pain.  Stand strong and faithful.  I will help you.  You are not alone but cared for by me and others too.  Let me hold you up and I will do it.

I am your God – have you forgotten who I am?  My strong right arm cannot be stopped. I am leading you and you are not alone.

I know you are afraid but you have courage too.  I trust great blessing to those who know great sufferings.  You know that I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

“Hold me tight Lord, are there angels here to help me too?” 

“All around you, many more then you think.”   

Peace flowed into me and like a soft wind it blew away confusion and fear.  After a while, I got out and meandered along the quiet beach and watched the crashing waves, reflecting. Somewhere behind me a dog barked.  I stopped and turned around and there, at my feet, perched lightly on the wet sand was a pure white feather,  Plump and softly curved.  It was not there a second ago when I walked by, and no birds were flying nearby. 

As I carefully picked it up, I remembered, “Angels, all around you, many more then you think”. 

Tears of gratitude ran down my cheeks. 

PS  This happened over 10 years ago.  Having recovered, I look back and see that there was a gift hidden in that situation.  God inspired deeper faith in him brought amazing people to help me. 

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