Words are powerful. We all cringe when we see someone verbally sliced and diced with just a few phrases.
At a Western dance class I attended, the lady beside me had on a fabulous rhinestone-studded denim jacket. She told me that her friend had dragged her here, but that she was “useless and pathetic” at dancing. She laughed as she told me that she “had two left feet” and that the class wouldn't help.
What do you think happened? Exactly! She couldn't follow the instructor. After a while she gave her friend a smug, “I told you so,” look, gave up, and sat down.
She had accused and demeaned herself and predicted her failure. She was a nice lady and I can’t imagine she would have talked about her kids like she talked about herself.
In grief, when we feel like the ground has fallen out from us, that we are in the spin cycle and walking around dazed, that is when we especially need a little grace – even from ourselves. Skip the negative condemnations and give yourself some positive self-talk. Try these:
· I am getting stronger everyday
· I am coping, I really am OK on my own
· There is still good in my life. I am coming through to a new phase
· Loss is part of life, others have gone through this too. There are new friendships and opportunities waiting for me
· I have a hope and a future
Personally, I have a sign in my bathroom, “Being happy does not mean everything is perfect, it means you decide to see beyond the imperfections”. In my bedroom is a framed card with the comforting words, “I will never leave you nor forsake you. Heb. 13:5”.
Don’t be like my rhinestone jacket lady and derail yourself with accusing or demeaning words. It is true that, “Good [words and] thoughts bear good fruit, bad [words and] thoughts bear bad fruit.” (–James Allen, ‘As A Man Thinketh’). If you are bogged down in this area, get some help, download my book Welcome Words for Warriors and check out my resources page.
Surround yourself with positive and beautiful words that tell you the truth, that you are valuable and worthwhile. Empowering words will build you up, encourage you and help to heal your broken heart.