Dreams and Other Realities

At 25 years old my son, Ben was hit and killed by a criminal driver.  My heart was ripped open and in my grief, I cried every evening until there were no tears left.  I asked God, “Why?” but he did not answer that question.  Instead, he gave me some beautiful and unexpected comfort.    

 Ben in Rwanda 

Ben in Rwanda 

At my first visit to his grave,  I told Ben how heartbreaking it was to leave him here, wondering if he could really hear me.  Suddenly, I felt the weight of his big hand on my shoulder just like he used to do in life, and heard his voice crystal clear in my imagination saying,  “Mom, it’s okay…”.  It was an incredible comfort (read more about it in my last blog, “Mom, it’s Okay”).

In the Bible, Heb. 12: 1 says that we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses of those who have gone before us, who cheer us on to run our race.  Paul also had a vision of a man from Macedonia calling him.  After Jesus himself died, he actually appeared not just in vision but in physical form to many of his disciples and at that that time many graves were opened and many saints appeared in Jerusalem, not just in vision, but also physically too (Mt. 27:52).  What an experience!

Many people also report having dreams of those that have died.  I didn’t  have any but my daughter did.  About 2 weeks after Ben was killed, she dreamed of him.  It was a real comfort and she has allowed me to share it.

 Ben and his sister, going ocean kayaking on a family holiday

Ben and his sister, going ocean kayaking on a family holiday

        Ben, the master chess player - at University

       Ben, the master chess player - at University

            “My brother and I had both gone to TWU University and our studies overlapped for two years.   In my dream, I was sitting at a card table playing cards with some university friends.  As I played my hand, out of the corner of  my eye, I realized that there was another card table and another card game going on there.  Glancing over, to my amazement, there was my brother!  He was playing cards with different group of university friends.  I asked him, “But Ben, aren’t you dead?”   He winked at me.  Without saying a word, he nodded at the cards as if to say, “I’ll make sure you get the best hand possible!”  With that, I woke up astonished but it gave me comfort and peace. ”    

When she told me she said she thought it was a gift from God to her, I agreed.  It actually made me laugh, it was so like my son, a man of few words but full of helpful action.

In grief counselling, these bereavement dreams are recognized as important.  It is very exciting that with quantum physics scientists are demonstrating the reality of the spirit and affirming the realm of dreams.

Art Jacob ladder 3.jpg

The bible is full of dreamers, including Jacob and his “ladder to heaven”, Joseph and the 7 famine years or the other Joseph whose dream told him take Mary and Jesus to escape to Egypt and Paul’s dream of a man calling him to Asia. 

One new widow dreamed that her husband was going fishing along a beautiful river with his beloved dog who had died years ago.  The husband had really enjoyed fishing but had few opportunities in his lifetime.  In the dream, he turned right to her and said, “It is so beautiful here, I can hardly wait till you see it!”

I will end with this lovely story of a young friend whose mother died of cancer.  She had a dream of the family walking on a beautiful path in a pretty forest.  They were holding hands walking towards a bright light and they all stopped.  Then, Mom alone, stepped forward and kept walking right into the light and she woke up.  She understood it to mean her mother was safe with God. 

These stories make me smile, and my heart gets lighter. 

How about you, do you have a story like this to tell? 


If you are struggling with loss or grief, get the support you need.  For more helpful blog articles scroll down.  Included are Birthday Parties in Heaven, He is not here, Just tell Me What Happened and The Worst Nightmare plus helpful Renewing Resilience Tips.  For additional grief and loss resources, including a 30 min. introductory session with Helga, click here.  

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