So is there anything good about July 6?
Powerful 25 year old Ben was cycling down 200th Ave., just lovin’ life on that July 6th, 2006. No one guessed that this date would be carved in stone. A criminal driver zoomed up behind him like a bat out of hell. He hit and killed him almost instantly. As Ben’s Mama, it just about killed me too. Now, I am left asking what do I do with July 6, the day of horror.
For a long time, I wanted to hide in a hole till it was over. I’d to pray to understand, “God, why did this happen!” There was no thundering answer but the dawning realization that He was not the party responsible. Ben’s last chapter here was written but his story is NOT over. The day he died was the day he was born into the wide open spaces of heaven where life is a lot more fun, productive and alive!
BUT before anyone thinks that means it is now okay to dump clichés like, “He is in a better place” on the grieving, the answer is, “No.” Yes, he is in that better place but he is not the one that is grieving. I am, and my heart is torn apart. Imagine telling the WW2 Vimy Ridge amputee that his torn off leg is “in a better place” buried on the beaches of France. You get the picture.
Instead, it is better to “weep with those that weep,” – Rm 12:15. I personally know the great blessing of friends, just sitting with me, picking up the mail, being willing to feel like crap with me, and not have a lot of answers.
So on July 6, 2015, I will acknowledge the enemy did his worst. Now I stare at his photo and into his soft grey-blue eyes and my love and longing for him wells up and overwhelms me. Over the years, the torn up spot in my heart has reshaped to a strange, precious and painful place. It is one of the most cherished places in my heart, full of great love and memories but also heartbreak and tears - and sometimes they overflow. It is always with me, mostly an invisible part of me now.
So is there anything good about July 6? On July 6, I will raise a toast to my son for his well-lived life and his love and faith. I will joyfully give out fun “Uncle Ben stories” along with balloons to my grandchildren. We will release them in a “Hi, Uncle-Ben-in-heaven, missin’ you,” anniversary salute. I will blow kisses to heaven and there just might be tears overflowing out of that strange and precious place in my heart.
Blessings, take heart and keep moving forward.
For more helpful blog articles scroll down. Included are Birthday Parties in Heaven, He is not here, Just tell Me What Happened and The Worst Nightmare plus helpful Renewing Resilience Tips.
If you are facing loss, get the support you need. For additional resources, including a no-obligation personal coaching session, on, "Find your gold for healing the heartbreak"with Helga Bender MThS, click here.
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