Dear Abby, Is Grandma going crazy?

Dear “Abby”, 

Is my Grandma going crazy?  She told us that Gramps came and had breakfast with her, three days AFTER he died! 

She is British, a staunch church-goer and not the type to believe in ghosts.  But she said he quietly came in the kitchen while she was having tea and toast.  He sat down at the table with her. 

She was surprised but not afraid and simply asked him what she always did, “Tea Dear?”  

“No Dorothy,  I am here to tell you that the place I have gone to is very beautiful, and I am very happy there.  One day you will come too and see it, “ he answered then he disappeared.  It gave her great peace she said.  

She is not on any medication and is convinced it really happened.  What should we do?

Signed: Confused


Dear Confused,

It is not easy to understand supernatural experiences.  They burst out beyond the limits of normal science.  However, quantum physics is giving us good reasons to look at this seriously and so is new research which measures electrical activity around the time of death.  In 2014,  “A team of psychologists and medical doctors associated with the University of Berlin, announced that they had proven the existence of some form of life after death… based on the conclusions of a study using a new type of medically supervised near-death experience,” with almost 1000 volunteers.

After Death Communication

Psychologists, ministers and hospice workers are all familiar with the kind of experience that you describe.  They call it After Death Communication.  In fact about 30% of people in my personal coaching work report a vision, a dream, a sensation, a smell, a symbol or “hearing” internally or externally from their deceased loved one, sometimes for years.  Most often, it is a great comfort to them.   

Dream Study

Recently, a study done by Jennifer E. Shorter, PHD on “Visitation Dreams in Grieving Individuals” reveals some common elements of these kinds of dreams.  The deceased usually appeared younger or more healthy and communicate,  "I am OK and still with you", with or without words. These dreams are typically clear, vivid, and intense and are often called lucid dreams.  It also helps the grieving process and/or brings a wider spiritual perspective.  The awake dream or “vison” that people like your grandmother have is usually very much like this too.  

Christian Religious View

Is there a religious precedent for this?  Your Grandma is a church-goer so I will talk about the Christian view.  In the bible, Jesus was on Mount Hermon (Mount of Transfiguration) with Peter, James and John.  They all saw Elijah and Moses who were long gone (Mathew 17).  Jesus talked to them and the other three heard the conversation with these 2 “dead” men even though the Old Testament warns of not seeking the dead with mediums, etc.  Why then did Jesus engage in earnest conversation with them?  The warning is not to contact them by seances or mediums but they came to Jesus directly and perhaps that is key for us,  letting them come spontaneously.  

There is also much evidence that people “carry on”  after they die.  In Mathew 22, Jesus explained that God said,  ‘I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’? He is not the God of the dead, but of the living.”  The point is that though they are dead to men, but they are not dead to God; they are alive with him.   There is one church or body in heaven and earth (Eph. 4:4), which implies we can have fellowship with those in the earth and heaven too.  Hebrews also talks about faithful men who are dead and yet surround us like witnesses (Hebrews 12:1), “ vast a cloud of witnesses surrounding us.”  This means they are alive, aware and cheering  us on to run our race as they watch us.  In Acts 12, Peter knocked on a door and their belief was that his "angel" or "messenger" could visit in his form.  Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12:3 “I know a man caught up into paradise—whether in the body or out of the body I do not know,” which implies a consciousness in the body or out.  If this is a little mind boggling, remember, “All things are possible with God.” Mathew 19:26.

Lastly, Jesus came alive after his death and gives that gift to those who believe. He appeared to many people for 40 days after he died.  He walked through walls to visit his friends, along the beach and with friends on the road to Emmaus and then disappeared.  He levitated up into heaven while 500 people watched.  He even appeared as a floating ball of light that spoke to Paul on the road to Damascus.  He made an amazing promise that believers would do what he did and greater things.  


As you can see, there is considerable evidence that your Grandma's experience is not unusual. Unless you can prove it did not happen, I would choose to believe that it did.   The comfort and peace that your grandmother received is a gift for her - and perhaps for you too. 

Big Hugs,

Coach Helga (in place of “Abby”)

Ps. If you have had a dream or visit, I would love to hear about it, in the comments below, or on my facebook or e-mail me at  If you liked this, please share it with others. 

Check out other helpful blog articles including : 

Five Lessons Learned in the Fire, 

 Birthday Parties in Heaven, 

He is not here,

Just Tell Me What Happened  

The Worst Nightmare

plus helpful Renewing Resilience Tips.  or scroll down for more

If you are facing loss, get the support you deserve.  For additional resources, including a no-obligation introduction coaching session to discuss your situation and renew resilience and tranquility, with Helga Bender MThS, click here.   (specializing in faith-based coaching)

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