When Blueprints Go Wrong

Sooner or later, it will happen.  Our blueprints will go wrong. 

We all have an idea of how our life should look.  It is our blueprint for our ideal, happy life. Happiness and satisfaction come when we are progressing toward building that picture-perfect life. But we can have different blueprints.  One traditional blueprint is to work hard, find Mr./Miss Right, have cozy home, a family, help the community then sail off to together in the golden years, preferably on a luxury cruise.  For others it might be building an exceptional business or helping others medically or spirituality or in art, etc.   

Blueprints that go wrong

When we are making progress to our blueprints, life is good.  If our blueprints go wrong, we will feel stress, frustrated, and unhappy.  But if something happens where that blueprint is totally blocked and you have lost and lost hope of ever getting it, that makes you feel crazy and helpless.  For many this is the dark night of the soul.  

Is there an antidote?  Yes, there are 2 important steps that really help:                                                                   

1.            Deal with the emotions

2.           Adjust your blueprint 

Deal with Emotions

In massive loss, there is good reason to feel massive emotions.  There is not only sadness but there could be

  • injustice and anger
  • fear and dismay about the future
  • loneliness and isolation 
  • exhaustion and disorganization

Adjust Your Blueprint

If you have lost a loved one, life has changed. You must adjust your blueprint because the old blueprint is gone.  Slowly, as the intensity of emotions weakens, we can examine our old blueprints to find the desires behind them. As we identify those desires, we can go back to the drawing board and consider possible ways that we might still achieve those desires in some fashion.  Limiting our hope of happiness to the old blueprint will only leave us struggling and discouraged. 

Review parts of your blueprint and ask, "Why did we want this?"  Was part of your blueprint to travel to experience exotic places?  Instead, explore tour group travel, especially with the wide variety of singles groups. How about armchair travel:  view national geographic videos or even invite family or friends to join you and provide international themed snacks?   

My parents loved dancing, sharing a love of music and activity.  When my father died, my European mother surprised us and took up Western line dancing!  It was a good adjustment to her blueprint.  It was a way to enjoy dancing, being active to music even though with different people then she expected.  

Did you want to volunteer together?  Find an organization where you uniquely fit and offer your skills.  You might discover some new friends to share the rewarding experience too.

When we process our emotions, it slowly defuses them and allows us to be creative in revamping the blueprints of our lives.  As we uncover new ways to pursue our desires, dreams are renewed and revamped and life satisfaction grows. When we adjust our blueprint for our situation, we discover a new contentment, satisfaction and even happiness growing in our lives.   

Big hugs and love, 


If you are facing loss, find out the best ways to renew your resilience in a complimentary coaching session with me.  Contact me through my resouces page or e-mail me at coach@helgabender.com

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