Permission Granted

After the funeral, bereaved people often lean over to quietly ask me, “What is the key to getting through this grief faster?” After all, with fast food, instant pain relief and high speed data plans, we hope there is a high speed hack for grief. In our culture, you are often even expected to be back to work and normal after few days off work.

Unfortunately, that is not the way it works. We must walk all the way through the valley of the shadow of death to get to the other side. The best “key” that most people need is really very simple: You have “Permission granted”, to grieve and mourn the deep pain and emptiness of losing someone very close to you.

A new widow told me, “You are the only one who has given me permission to grieve, and explained that it was normal to feel sad and lonely. Everyone else told me to get on with it, to move forward and let the past be the past.”

In fact, if you are grieving the loss someone close to you, you have every reason to be heartbroken. Sometimes family and friends don’t know how to help you though it. They want to fix it, and sometimes suggest medication. Although there is a place for medication, much of grief simply cannot be fixed so easily or quickly.

Grief and the feelings that go along with it, do not just disappear by ignoring them. Give yourself permission to take time and to express them in safe ways such as talking with safe people, or journaling, art, music, gardening or exercise. As you do, you will find the heaviness slowly lifts.

It is a relational loss and talking and expressing yourself in relationship is helpful. But not everyone has that kind of support. If you do not have the right people around you, find a bereavement group, or a therapist or coach like me, where you can work on getting those feelings up and out, and not pushed down deeper.


In a culture that is accustomed to instant response, it takes courage to take the necessary time. However, those of us that have traveled through it know it is one of the most difficult journeys in life and rushing it is counter productive. We extend permission to you. I invite you too, to give yourself the blessing of, “permission granted” to grieve. That is the real key to allow the fastest healing and transformation after loss.

Love and Hugs, 


If you are facing loss, find out the best ways to renew your resilience in a complimentary coaching session with me.  Contact me through my resouces page or e-mail me at

Please leave a comment about this blog - let me know whether you liked it or not.  

Also check out my facebook page - for the latest, or just to say Hi!  

© Helga`s Coaching Blog  2018. You are welcome to use excerpts and links, provided full and clear credit is given to Helga Bender and Helga's Coaching Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.